Aug 07

Japan’s Biggest Bitch

I am sitting on a train beside Japan’s biggest bitch.


It’s the WING train from Shinagawa to Kamiooka.  You pay extra to ride this train, and if you get a ticket, you’re guaranteed a seat.  This woman was sitting in the prime seat by a door, with her bags spread out so as to discourage anyone from sitting next to her.


Having been one of the last people to board the train, I had already decided that if someone was doing that in the prime seat, that I was going to ask them (politely) to move their shit and let me sit down.


So I did.


“Sumimasen,” I said.


She pretended to ignore me.


“Sumimasen,” I repeated, more loudly this time.  “Sumi-ma-sen".  Again, making sure she couldn’t continue to ignore me.


She looked at me.  I pointed to her bags and repeated more softly: “Gomenasai. Sumimasen”.  Well she huffed and moved her bags, leaving me a corner of the seat.


I was not going to give up that easily, so I sat down and was ready to ignore her for the rest of the trip.


It’s in the high twenties right now, with humidity somewhere around 9999%, and I’d run to catch the train, so I was sweating.  I pulled out my fan and began to fan myself.


She mumbled something.  This repeated a few times.


“Samui” I think it was.  Cold.


So I took off my headphones so that I could hear what she was saying, and fanned myself again, this time without opening the fan all the way so that the breeze was minimal.


“Samui!” she mumbles, probably thinking I can’t understand.


“What,” I say in Japanese, “A fan is making you cold?”


“Samui!” she repeats, emphatically.


I switch to English: “Go sit in the low air conditioning car, then.’”


That’s it.  She’s been typing on her cellphone and muttering under her breath for the entire ride.  If ever I move off my corner too much, she elbows me.


Biggest bitch in Japan.

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